I'm feeling a bit downtrodden today. I can't go into why in detail, but it's work related and caused me to get next to no sleep last night. I'm pretty annoyed about a conversation I had yesterday and am currently wondering why I bother working so hard at all. Sometimes it's just not worth it. I should just go in and trundle through the day and then I'd probably be better thought of. Funny that.
Unfortunately, that's not the way I'm made. I like to get stuck right in and do my absolute best and in doing so, sometimes I make mistakes, like I did this week. Not a huge life threatening mistake, but you might have thought so, judging by the reaction.
I stood up for myself, but it's left a very bad taste in my mouth and I'm once again reconsidering my position and what I'm going to do next. I know I've been in this situation before and you are probably getting bored of the repetition. Such is life. The constant cycles of life, positive and negative.
Anyway, today, I'm trying to get it out of my mind. It's occupied enough of my time already and I don't get paid enough to spend my time off worrying about it. Thank goodness for my allotment, although it is currently looking like it might rain, so I might not get there today if it does.
I've recently started a new habit that I read about in Tim Ferris's book Tools of Titans. It's a kind of journaling habit, whereby every morning when you wake up, you write down 3 things you are grateful for, three things that would make the day great and three affirmations. Later in the day, you then write down 3 amazing things that happened that day and 3 ways you could have made your day better. I'm finding it quite enjoyable to do. It does help focus my mind a little, reflect on each day and be thankful for the many good things in my life.
I don't always manage to achieve or grasp the opportunities that would make the day great, and it's not always easy to identify amazing things that happen every day, but I do my best and it does make me feel a little better. In fact I quite look forward to filling it in and thinking of new things to make the day great and be thankful for.
Yesterday's ways I could have made my day better definitely included not ringing work (for a small query about a job that had been advertised) and getting more than I bargained for and not having to witness what looked like unnecessary police brutality outside of our local gym. Not a good day all in. I should have just stayed in bed. Anyway, I'm hoping today will be a better one.
Sorry to hear you had such a negative conversation, that type of thing really does make you think twice about how things are going. There are ways of speaking to someone, even when they've made a mistake, that aren't so upsetting/ annoying.
ReplyDeleteI try my best and work up to my standard for my benefit now, as it seems no matter what happens things can never be right for someone else. It has saved me a lot of stress because as you say the pay just isn't enough to worry about it (especially in my case as there is no pay!).
I like your idea of working up to your standard just for your own benefit. It made me laugh and goodness knows I needed one. Maybe that's what I am doing and I was feeling like I was doing okay, but there's always someone who's happy to puncture your little positive balloon of self worth and bring you down to earth with a bump. In my case there's more than one at work.
ReplyDeleteHope things get better and you feel happy. Best wishes
ReplyDeleteJust be yourself and work the way you have always done. It will make you feel you have done your best and don't even think about the others.
ReplyDeleteI always start my day with what I am grateful for. Makes the day run much smoother.
God bless.