Seeing Things Differently

I got to thinking the other day, that for the past 10 years at least, my vision and thinking have been seriously impaired, probably mainly as a consequence of being an at home mum and not really being out in the real world that much.

When I compare life then, to life now, I feel like I've kind of woken from a deep sleep and am starting to see the world around me again.  Now don't get me wrong, I loved my own little world, that I built for myself and our family, that kept us safe and secure and I don't love some of the things that go on outside of it (Gosh, I sound old saying that!), but I do think that there were things that I could have done differently, had I had a job and been out and about in the big wide world experiencing more.

Anyway, there's no point in any sort of regrets, so don't regret how my life was and still is to some extent, but I am quite enjoying how it is now and how I am managing to finally get more of a grip on it. 

When I look back at old photographs, which I've been doing a lot of lately whilst getting them sorted and organised, it is interesting to see some of the choices I made over time and I wonder now why some ofthese were actually made.  I know we all change with age and experience and I can't go back and change the past, but I can influence what I do from now on and be more thoughtful and intentional in my future choices.

I think that the decluttering I've been doing for the last few years has been an essential part of cementing this in my mind, as when I see the mounds of stuff leaving our house, that I have at some time or other bought, I can't believe I accrued so much.  Letting go of the stuff has really made the house a much better place to live in.  It has also made getting on board with the Flylady programme much easier, as we have much less to clean around and maintain, although there is always room to get rid of a bit more. I'm really starting to see how once you do declutter and get your house in order, that it does leave you with time on your hands to do other things.

In addition, all of the current focus on budgeting has made me realise how in the past I have also made some not so good choices when it came to spending and saving (or not saving) money.  I guess I didn't really think about saving for the future and I didn't really know what good quality actually was in many respects, as I was often a victim to buying cheap or 'fashionable' things rather than things that would last longer. I think working at the CS has helped me appreciate quality more in some ways, but it has also cemented in my mind how ridiculous spending large amounts of money on designer labels would be, for me at least.

I like to see the lovely things that come through the shop, but I have no wish to purchase such things myself new, especially considering how fickle and ever changing fashion trends are and also considering the fact that it would be a waste to wear them to do the very ordinary and mundane things I do on daily basis.

As I am slowly getting my house into better shape, I'm starting to realise that I will soon probably need to find something purposeful to do with my life. LB is quickly growing up and becoming more and more independent, often off hanging out with her friends on weekends.  Before I know it she will be up and off to university and I will need to get myself more of a life.  The charity shop was a first step in this direction, and I love the work I do there, but I probably need to take it to the next level some time soon and get some paid work.

I think therefore that my next focus will be finding a paid job, studying something new again or something along these lines. I'm both looking forward to this and quite nervous about it at the same time, but I realise that above all I am making progress, albeit small steps every day.